"Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit
of the womb is his reward." Psalm 127:3
I remember thinking about the gender of my first child. It was such an inconvenient time to be pregnant- 18 years young and fresh out of high school with a scholarship to the University of Georgia. I just knew I had to be having a boy. I talked to him before I even knew for sure... When the ultrasound tech told me that I was indeed pregnant with a very tiny boy, I just smiled, "Yes, I know..." But how did I know? I knew that there was no way that God would give me a daughter to raise when I had messed up so badly with my own life. Goodness knows we did not need another Danielle thinking that she knew all about life.
A boy would be tough, able to withstand the questions he would face in life about his unwed parents, young mom, and future half brothers/sisters. A boy would look up to his Momma, not resent her. I would not have to worry about making him the opposite of myself, but could help shape him into a young man. I mistakenly sought out a man to be this boy's father. I needed a partner, a helper, someone for him to look up to. A year and a half into this little boy's life, God found me- at my weakest moment. No longer did I wish to make up for my sin through making my boy into a strong soldier for Christ.
I was living in the moments, enjoying God being the number one love of my life when Chris came back into my life. You see, if it had not been for my sin then Chris would have never had to walk out of my life. But, two and a half years later "that boy" whom I had not spoken to and could only think of with regret, took a place in my heart that I never thought (or really wanted) to be filled again. He loved Dallas, the little boy who needed a Daddy. Marriage came two years later, and more babies came at the same time.
(The only request Dallas had of the wedding was for him
to be dressed exactly like Daddy, not Mommy.)
To even be pregnant was amazing to me, but I found myself in that undeserving place again. A child is a miracle, a gift, an heritage. I was quickly pondering the gender of our new baby. All I could think is that "I did not want to be having a girl..." My reasoning this time was that I did not want Chris to love another girl- God had given me so much in him I really did not want to share him. Also, I once again believed that if I had a girl to raise I would constantly be pushing her against the grain of my own self as a young girl . We planned to have an ultrasound to find out the gender of mine and Chris' baby- "It's a girl!" I found myself extremely joyful in that moment... To see Chris turning towards me with tears in his eyes gave me all the courage I needed to raise this girl. He wanted her to be just like me- what a picture of Christ he is! This man, my husband, did not hold my past against me. He believed me to be an amazing woman and mother and in his own words, "Could not wait to have a little Danielle who thought she knew all about life." When Lillie-Mae was born, all my worries about being her mother were gone. She and I were going to take on the world- she would know Jesus, His love, and the greatness that was in her as a woman.
(Looks like her Daddy, acts like her Momma.)
The Guess Tribe is once again adding a new member, Mindy Lynn Guess. Another girl to be just like Mommy. Dallas and Chris are surely outnumbered now. The succession of genders that have come forth from me has all been God's doing. He knew what I needed, and I am ashamed to say that I doubted or ever thought I knew what was best for me and my family.
Mindy Lynn, we are ready for you, baby girl! Our hearts are ready to be filled with your love.