Thursday, December 11, 2014

I'm Mary and I'm Martha...

"I'm Mary and I'm Martha all at the same time;
I'm sitting at His feet and yet I'm dying to be recognized.
I am a picture of contentment and I am dissatisfied.
Why is it easy to work but hard to rest sometimes..."

Wake up. Make coffee. Pray. Sit in silence. Map out day. Prepare for family waking. 

Stand. Make healthy breakfast. Serve. Ask for child to pray. Bless. Talk in peace.  Show love. 

In the midst of the sitting and standing tango of motherhood service, there is a constant pull to be Mary and Martha. To be Martha, we serve with an intent filled heart. Serving to fulfill a physical need. As Mary, we step away from the lack of thankfulness for grace at Jesus' feet. 

Floors ask to be mopped. Child asks to "Hold me..." So I hold and rock and assure that all is well. You are loved. I can show love. Because it was given to me... the child can feel it too. 

The ever present ding of the phone is a friend whose heart is incomplete. Struggling with the loss magnified this holiday season. I want to bake cookies and drive to give a hug. I want to deck her halls as she naps with a newborn. But despite the intent of service in my heart, only the Mary in me can console. Only words of joy and remembrance. Because I have been shown peace... I can assure that it can be found. 

Six loads of clean laundry needing to be folded is the only thing standing between me and a perfectly clean house. The ever punctual child reminds me that 36 minutes ago I promised that we would make ornaments in 30 minutes. The heart to serve is now torn in two. They need clean clothes, organized and placed just so. Sitting at the feet of Jesus, I am reminded of the times I have split His calling in two. He has shown me flexibility {because that is one face of mercy}... so I can turn my heart to the desires of the child. 

"I'm restless, and I rustle like a thousand tall trees;
I'm twisting and I'm turning in an endless daydream.
You wrestle me at night and I wake in search of You...
But try as I might, I just can't catch You
But I want to, 'cause I need You..."

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